It’s hard for me to believe that it’s been 5 years since Brad took his life, and strangely this year was harder than the last few.
3 of my friends and I got together at Brad’s grave like we do every year. We gather around, drink Mountain Dew, and just catch up. Mountain Dew was something Brad could drink non stop, and I used to also, now it’s only diet pop for me. One of the guys that gathers with us doesn’t drink pop, except on The 23rd and on Brad’s birthday.
Usually we leave one empty can each in the snow by the head stone along with traces of Mountain Dew in the snow and one full can for Brad. But this year there is no snow, so we had to get creative. We rummaged through our cars and grabbed what we found, which at first was a broken belt and a bungee cord. We attached the cans to the headstone. Then we had the idea to make a wreath of cans.

image

And we tried to make a bow from the empty 12 pack box

image

We made this with a coat hanger, some yarn, a few random tools we found in our cars and a lot of love.
I still think of Brad everyday and run into things that remind me of past conversations we had that make me want to call him. I also still have dreams about him. Some dreams are about his death where I grieve in the dream, others he is alive and of grieve again when I wake up.
I am truly blessed to have known him and had him in my life, but also I know everything happens for a reason. If he was still around who knows if I would have met Brandon, and I’m even more blessed to have such a wonderful man who loves me with everything he has.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas!!!

Advertisements